Peniology: The Roots of a Forgotten Science

In order to gain a firm grasp of the science of Peniology and to aid you in understanding its origins, we have provided a brief historic background. Our most distinguished list of researchers, curators, historians and experts at the International Museum of Peniology (IMP), all have graciously offered to contribute writings which will show the historic connection between man, his personality and his phallus; the bases of Peniology. For the veracity of all data and pertinent information, all material has been carefully documented, reviewed, vetted, studied and handled by our more than willing group of volunteer researchers and our team of experts in the peniological field.

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Peniolithic Man: Was Homo Really Erectus?

Elliot Longwood, (1858 – 1940) was an English paleo-anthropologist and geologist. He, like his Dutch predecessor Eugene DuBois (discoverer of the species Pithecanthropus Erectus, or ‘erect apeman), set about to find and prove the transitional morphologies that bridge the evolutionary split between higher primates, commonly know as the ‘missing link’. The term was first used in 1851 by Charles Darwin's mentor, Charles Lyell.

Longwood began his search for ancient human skulls in some of the most remote places in the world. One of these hunts for the ‘missing link’ led him to the Brocbak Mountain range of Africa known as one of the most ancient mountain ranges in the world. There he found a particularly large deep dark cavity in the mountain's backside. After an initial thorough internal examination, he indeed did find, to his amazement, the remains of cranial bone matter. It was only when he had an assistant bring in more light that he realized another landmark discovery: the cave was full of never before seen primitive drawings etched into the cave’s wall surface. Stick-like representations of man and beasts with prominent erect penises. Though embarrassing to the archeological team, this new find not only demonstrated an evolution but also a new development in flexibility in tool use.

Drawings found in a caves in the African Brocbak Mountain Range.

Allegedly, inspired by the drawings and given the proximity of the cranial matter, Longwood dubbed his new-found ‘missing link’ as Homo Erectus. This inadvertently started the trend of later discoveries of early man to be given the genus name Homo.

It is a fact that the earth was inhabited by many types of Homos. There were Homos found in Africa, Homos in Europe and Homos in Asia and even today new Homos are being found in other regions as traces of their existence continue to be found today. Other species and subspecies of Homos, which populated the earth, consisted of Homo Bottomus, Homo Lesbonesis, Homo Neanderthalensis, Homo Yassqueenius, Homo Heidelbergensis to just name a few.

The Evolution Stage of Homos

As discovered by Longwood and later by others, it seems the various Homos have always had a special attachment to their penis since the dawn of time. Though they may not have known what the penis was for, they were certainly aware of the dangling appendage between their hairy simian thighs. The oldest prehistory genital representations to date go back  approximately 40,000- 12,000 years B.P. (before present) during the Upper Peneolithic period. Though most were found in Western Europe, especially in Iberia and France, genital motifs can be found on every continent as proven by Longwood.

Examples found in Kanamara Matsuri showing hunters in erection
often associated with danger.

Though representations of the power of female genitalia was more prevalent, one could find in cave wall art the rare penile representation shown either as isolated elements or depicted as part of a complete male or anthropomorphic animal image. Once made aware of his nether-regions, early man was sketching, drawing and carving genitals out of bone fragments, small stones or whatever he could get his big grubby hirsute neanderthal hands on as fine decorative figurines (commonly known as Ithyphallics).

Human and animal erection captivated the artists' minds. The size of phallic representation seemed to be important also back then. Often the penis appeared more important than the human form to which it was attached. Sometimes the penis is represented but almost hidden to the eyes of the observer or subtly suggested.

The primitive imagination ascribed human attributes to animals creating supernatural or divine beings.

The drawings found in most cave sites leave the impression that early man seemed to be always in erection. Though not sexual in nature and given the context, this constant erectile display has been theorized and interpreted to mean virility and strength and was associated with the prospect of serious danger or death, in opposition to the daily threats offered by the harsh nature environment and the menace of the animal world. Even back then, early man was aware that his penis could lead to trouble. The link between erection and dangerous situations and transition to death can be examined in “The Erectile Ithyphallic Death Grip: A Compendium of Comprehending Mortality in Prehistoric Primitive Society” by Dr. Frederick B. Flintstone.

A modern day digital interpretation of ‘cave drawing' by Artist Leif Harrington.

Flintstone also examines the belief that ejaculation was linked to the loss of the soul (possibly a shamanistic interpretation of the physiologic phenomenon of male orgasm).​ Though cave drawings of anthropomorphic sexual acts can be found, we will never know at what point humans became aware that genitalia could be used for self-pleasure or sexual gratification beyond reproduction.

Contributed by

Director Ulna Bonaparte
Department of Peniolithic Science and Anthropology
International Museum of Peniology

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The Greeks: Less Penis is More Πέος

το πέος είναι αυτό που κάνει έναν άντρα
The penis is what makes the man
(Plato's Lost Peniatric Dialogues )

The trifecta of perfection in Ancient Greece:
Youthful beauty, muscular physiques and a micro-penis.

The first instance we have about the penis mentioned less as a sexual object of pleasure and more in its relationship to the behavior of man can be gleaned from symposiums of one of the lesser know philosophers Aristarchus of Samos' peniocentric model which places the penis πέος at the centre of the universe. He opined that all things revolved around man and that which symbolizes man most was his penis/phallus (φαλλος). It is said to have been the inspiration behind Plato's Lost Peniatric Dialogues where he avers το πέος είναι αυτό που κάνει έναν άντρα (the penis is what makes the man).

The Greeks were quite obsessed with beauty, perfection and penis size. As ancient playwright Aristophanes explains, what was most desirous in Ancient Grecian times: “a gleaming chest, bright skin, broad shoulders, tiny tongue, strong buttocks and a small penis.”

Danske Ordbog, world renowned antiquity art expert and best selling Danish author (short listed for The Pulitzer Prize), in his The Dimensional Decodification of Penile Representation in Ancient Grecian Statuary cites:

“…for the ancient Greeks, penis size was closely related to the idealized concept of masculinity as symbolized by small penis representation as seen in Grecian art of antiquity. All important aspects of masculinity were presented in art via a diminished pint-sized flaccid penis. For the ancient Greeks a tiny member was associated with self-control, discipline and moderation.” 

A pint-sized penis was the ultimate sign of moderation and sexual control

This brings us to the topics of the symbology of penis dimension, the concept of masculinity and those societal characteristics associated with penis size. 

In ancient Greek culture the ideal man was rational, intellectual and authoritative. Man’s masculinity was demonstrated by his ability to control his own physical instincts in order to maintain and protect the security of the city-state and exert dominance over others, primarily in battle settings. Evidence of this is illustrated in ancient Greek statuary and art work where heroes, gods, nude athletes, etc., are shown with small, flaccid penises. The child-sized member was the ultimate sign of military prowess and restraint which required intelligence, physical mastery, modesty, moderation and sexual self-control.

Imagine those well-oiled, tanned athletic-bodied Greek warriors, rippling muscles glistening in the heat of battle, nakedly grappling and pulling at each other as their hot nude sweaty musky bodies clash, slide and press against one another in an orgy of masculinity on the field of battle. Knowing the penchant toward well-documented Grecian homosexual activity, the idea of the soldiers getting erections on the battlefield would be a sign of distraction and a lack of self-control which could result in loss the state. The fate of the city rested on the flaccid penis, which today is seen more as a sign of impotency and submission. Restraint and moderation were key virtues on which the Greeks judged themselves and measured their ideals of masculinity and their penises.

At this point, you may be asking yourselves how can something so small carry such a lot of weight? What about all those Grecian vases showing erections in frolicking erotic scenes? And exactly why did artists always depict male nudes so often, even when a character or narrative might not require it? There is no doubt that in ancient Greek art, the representation of the penis and its varying size was symbolic.

As shown before, the Greeks used the penis as an index of character. The antithesis of the small, non-erect member of the ideal male was  an ungodly extra large phallus (the penis in erection).

Large and unsightly erect penises were frowned upon and usually attributed to barbarians (foreigners),
the aged, corrupted demi-gods or uncouth degenerate behavior.

To quote Symmetria Polyclitus in her pioneering acclaimed book, Small and Flaccid vs Large and Erect: The Symbolic Penile Aesthetic and Duality in Ancient Grecian Art, she states: “Non-ideal anti-social behavior and a displeasing male aesthetic were symbolically depicted across many a Grecian amphora pot and frieze by vulgar over-sized and unsightly erectile phallic protuberances. These extra, extra large monster penises were usually associated with decrepit elderly men, the uncouth barbarians of the world (anyone not Greek), fools, wildly lustful satyrs drinking and pleasuring themselves with abandon and of course with long time Grecian enemies, the Egyptians.” I guess the Greeks with their more discretely sized superior penises really showed those Egyptians who was boss by representing them with barbarically large penises. If only the ancient Greeks knew then what we know now (how the phallic tables have turned), maybe they would have depicted the Egyptians differently.

While the cultural symbolism of the penis has since shifted, some things haven’t changed. Then, as now, the penis is seen to be the distillation of a man’s ability to dominate, his sexual prowess and a sign of power.

Contributed by

Dr. Euterpe Megàlopèos Onassis, PhD
Department of Hellenic Penile Aesthetics and Studies
International Museum of Peniology

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Hello, Prof. Cockamamie here. You might be asking yourself, at this point whats going on? I just wanted to pose a question: is all that you have read thus far true?... Yes, maybe or maybe not.

Herein lies the fun of this site and the book, Peniology: The Scandalous Science of Penis Reading. Kevin and Andrea, the mischievous authors, wanted to use this website to give you an idea of the book's style as they make you doubt the veracity of what is being presented, hence ‘An Occasionally True Story’. Now that I, Cockamamie, have exposed their secret, I invite you to return to the site and continue reading, attentively, with the knowledge that all might not seem quite what it appears to be. It’s up to you to figure it out.

Have you spotted any of the fake images throughout this website? Happy hunting!


Peniology the  ‘UN-Censoring’

Hello! Sorry to interrupt your reading. For those who don’t know me, I am Professor Cockamamie, peniologist extraordinaire! Before reading further, there is something I must warn you about that ‘THEY’ are trying to hide from you. All is not what it seems in the world of Peniology nor on this web site! If you have not noticed, there have been some strange shenanigans going on here.

I refuse to remain silent any longer!

Click here quickly before 'THEY' disappear everything again!

Middle Ages: Privates Obsession and the Holy See

The passing of the penis from the ancient Greeks, who appreciated the beauty of a micro-penis as a thing of honor and proudly displayed it in admiration, fell into the hands of the Vatican and ushered in the Middle or Dark Ages. It was indeed a dark time in penis history. The rise of Christianity resulted in an unholy obsession with male genitalia. During this period the penis was viewed by the powerful Church as the appendage of the original sin and a tool of the Devil. The phallus had now become the centre of harsh criticism, censorship and assault by the Church. Penis imagery was expunged completely from view. Even the use of the word penis was so horrid that it was regularly shrouded in euphemism and false-modesty. The phallus was blamed for leading men and women into the arms of temptation, guiding them straight to damnation and into the very lap of Satan himself. Intellectual discourse about carnal matters of the penis contrary to the teachings of Christianity was labeled heresy and often ended in torture, renouncements, financial ruin or even death. It was the era known in penile history as The Great Schism: a radical shift of view of theological and political differences, qualities and perceptions traditionally associated with the penis during the Classical Period. For more in-depth reading, I highly recommend The Great Penile Divide: Penis Schism, Representation, Alienation and Retaliation in Early Western Christendom by Nobel Laureate Emeritus, Dr. Watson Herbusch.

The Vatican not only wanted to have control over the minds, souls and spirits of the people in its grasps, but also their genitalia as well. So it began a fear campaign to force its views concerning the phallus down the throats of all Christendom trying to convince the clergy and the populace of its sinfulness. Definitely an uphill battle.

It was in the year 1139, during the Second Council of the Lateran under Pope Innocent II, that important decisions regarding the celibacy of Catholic priests and monks and the Church’s pronouncements on the offending phallus were made.

The Church preached phallus misuse led straight to damnation
and torturous unending punishment.

It issued 30 canons and edicts, of which one was the Magnum Edictum ad Phallum Suppressionem, banning and shaming any representation, touching and mention of the “P-word” (penis). It forbade its usage outside of urination, by the clergy and solely for the purpose of procreation for the laity. As with most bans and censorship, this backfired in the opposite direction. Instead of causing fear of damnation and senses of guilt, shame and penile frustration, it created a penis obsession within Christian communities of such a great magnitude that its effects still linger today.

The 11th century French Bayeux Tapestry embroidered by nuns, is said to contain at least 99 penises between man and animal. A Victorian English replication was made in the 1800’s lead by Elizabeth Wardle.
But due to Victorian sensibilities all nudes was clothed and the sight of penises all disappeared.

The populace rebelled against the heavy-handiness of the church on their privates. In retaliation, they invented subversively creative ways to thumb their noses at the edicts and prudery of the Holy See. The more it insisted, the more the laity resisted and found ways around Church rules and regulations. The lay and rebel priests became quite ingenious and extremely inventive in hiding genitalia in plain sight. Looking closely, you would see how they secretly manifested publicly penile representations in as many places and forms as they could. They would hide penises in the margins of manuscripts, sculpted into church facades, in paintings, in tapestries, cloaked in the guise of fables, bawdy tales and parables. All were euphemistically hidden in subterfuge in the language and in the art of the time as penis obsession spread. All right under the very noses of the Church fathers. It just goes to prove that you cannot separate a man from his pride and joy without a good fight. He will always find a way to show it! This impotency  of the Vatican over matters of the penis is said to have ushered in the dawn of the Renaissance.

An amputee?! Really? Artist and rogue monks inventively implanted penises everywhere.

The Fertility Tree fresco, Fonti dell'Abbondanza Palace (13th century, Italy).
Hidden sculpture, Church of San Martín de Elines (12nd century, Spain).

Contributed by

Professor Maude Wyddowsoun Lévi-Strauss
Department of Medieval Penile Ecclesiastical Studies
International Museum of Peniology

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Renaissance: -Entry Pending-

Due to accusations of copyright infringement, accusations of creating and publishing undocumented studies, falsifying research and records, intellectual fraud, appropriating material from research assistants, document manipulation, forgery, inappropriate behavior, and plagiarism, we cannot legally include the contribution of Prof. Elemer Albert Hoffmann.

At present, we have a court injunction forbidding us to publish Professor Hoffmann’s works until the outcome of the trial.

Until further notice, Prof. Hoffmann will no longer serve as head of the Department of Renaissance Phallistic Art & Morality.

The Conclusion: The Beginning

You have now been presented with a brief introduction and some basic historical background material concerning the close relationship between man, his nether regions and the difficulty to separate one from the other.

-Dating back to the discovery of the Peniolithic man cave drawings linking penile erection to bravery and death and the significance of the phallus in primitive society.

-We have shown how in Greek Antiquity, a man’s personality traits and characteristics were positively and pridefully judged according to the smallness of his manly bits.

-This all came to a head in Medieval Christianity where a man’s unmentionables were proscribed, that is condemned, denounced, attacked, criticized, censured, damned and rejected by the Church via  Canon and Ecclesiastical Laws.

Antiquated views often clashed with the new in the modern Age of Enlightenment.

We have now set the stage and conditions which lead to the Age of Enlightenment and the advent of Peniology in the 17th-18th centuries. This was the period when intellectuals, philosophers and academics advocated such ‘enlightening’ ideals as liberty, progress, tolerance, fraternity, constitutional government, and separation of church and state. At last, people were finally allowed to expose themselves freely to new ideas thus breaking down centuries of secular taboos imposed by religious orders. It is here that the history of Peniology as a nascent science begins.

Peniology: The Scandalous Science of Penis Reading

An exciting NEW BOOK by Kevin Moore and Andrea Aste!

For those of you who would like to discover more about the shocking hidden truth behind the highly explosive and controversial of sciences, Peniology, we highly recommend reading Peniology: The Scandalous Science of Penis Reading (An Occasionally True Story). The book is  highly engaging, well-written and filled with unbelievable facts, photos and illustrations to a keep you, a mature reading audience, wide-eyed, shocked, astonished, thoroughly amazed and entertained for hours. Thanks to the co-authors, Kevin Moore and Andrea Aste, the science of Peniology has finally been exposed!

You don't need a penis to enjoy this book!

Click here before you buy!

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